By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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