I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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