this beer tastes like vomit already
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
