think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We are all done wearing pants today
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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