i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize