hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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