im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
