...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
