Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
