Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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