I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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