i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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