mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
