did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
There r osticjed everywhere
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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