I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
