wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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