I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
