I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
