did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
