At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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