Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
