Midget sex pt 2 tonight
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
