Your face is a jimmy john
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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