walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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