Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
