Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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