I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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