you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
