I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
