pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
