my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
