Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
