Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
