So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
