I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
