you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize