He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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