dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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