my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
