I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize