Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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