I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
