Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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