theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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