My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
