i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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