Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize