It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
