Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
