If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
