A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
