I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
