to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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