i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
