I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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