I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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