the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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