yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
