We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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