I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
