Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
