yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
