Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
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