i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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