College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
