We need to rekindle our bromance
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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